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Attention : I'm awesome

Good morning party people.

It's 12:45 in the AM on a Saturday (well, Friday... it's not the next day until the sun comes up), I am in Hamilton overnight and I am accomplished.

Why?

Because I just fixed a resolution problem on the family computer.

You think "oh Mark, you're an idiot. Anyone can fix a resolution issue on the computer."

Yeah, but can you do it in Ubuntu?

Didn't think so smartass. :)

For doze dat don't know, when I donated my old computer to my parents about a year or so, I installed Ubuntu on it. Mainly because if there were viruses, I didn't want to have to troubleshoot, it was strictly going to be a glorified web client (meaning : a computer that doesn't really do anything except use the web) so it was stable.

Through this experience, I've learned to love Ubuntu. To be perfectly honest, I think everyone should have a copy of it in their home because if Windows craps out (and it most likely will...), you can boot Ubuntu off of the CD and surf the web.

I'm looking at getting one of those cute netbooks with Ubuntu on it so I can continue to learn the wonders of linux.

And how did I do this fixing screen resolution?

With 1337 h@X0rz. Orrrrrrrrr by editing a config file.

I'm so proud.

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Lately I've been inundated with shit. Not just the usual job/life/money type shit, but residual shit. Shit I cannot control. Shit I cannot even begin to repair. Sometimes it is aimed right at me. Sometimes, it's shit nuclear fallout and I get shit radiation. Other people's shit.

I swear this is not aimed at anyone in particular. If you think it is about you (somehow) I promise you there's thirteen others contributing to it as well.

I've been in a baaaaaaaaaaaaaad funk since about early October. From when my Dad was bedridden and the magical term "palliative care" came into the picture, up until about now. And if it isn't one thing (shitty soccer team I'm playing with, torn calf muscle, cellphone screwing up), it's something else (people don't listen to me, financial belt tightening, headcolds). Now, as anyone who actually knows me, I'm a really easy going guy. It takes a fair bit to get me down. But this "voltron of shit" (and not the lion one either... the 15 in 1 voltron) seemed relentless and infinite.

However, I'm trying to separate myself from all of this shit and just knuckle down on my own. Basically, I'm working towards the pre-shit positive lad you've all come to adore and secretly point fingers at while snickering. Yay for that.

As lonely as Toronto can be and as far away as I am and as much as I miss the old comforts, this is the change that I have to accept and deal with. I gained time and lost comfort... so now I got to remember what to do with that time.

I don't care for my apartment, but some clever redesigning can hopefully fix that. I need to play some drums dammit. I need to hit things to keep rhythm.

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I wrote this wonderful rant about communication in my google docs with every intention to post it here. I'm not going to. Cuz it's angry and frustrating.

But here's the crux of it:

We all need to start saying what we mean, and meaning what we say. We have to focus on not only what we say, but HOW WE SAY IT. If the point you intend to get across is delivered like an "I told you so/motherly/you're a screw up" kind of way, how is the audience supposed to want to listen?

For example: I love you.

Think of all the ways you can say "I love you". You can say it with compassion, with meaning, as a joke, sarcastically... many ways. The difference is the delivery. If you say "I love you" to someone in your best "Pee Wee Herman" voice (which I can) to someone you deeply care about for the very first time, do you actually believe that they are going to hear your message with any sincerity beyond a sincere gag? Hell no.

So why would you say something you mean in any other way but the way you want it to mean?

Clarity, folks.

I was speaking to Chris (one of my bestest friends, yes I said bestest) tonight, and he said that if the only fear of saying what you truly feel is to prevent getting your feelings hurt then that's foolish and wasteful because if they hurt your feelings, then you know they're not important enough to you to matter.

That man is a genius.

Again, consider what your audience is hearing and then phrase and deliver your message in a way they can appreciate it. Otherwise, consider that the message that you are delivering is NOT the message you imply.

Then consider that your message is distorted, and a distorted message is not an accurate message and the reaction you receive from your audience is likely honest and that this may not be what you anticipated.

Then consider that desired reaction that troubles you, may be fault. If you don't consider that, you might be an asshole.

But then, I truly mean that.

But then, I might be and asshole.

And I've considered that wholeheartedly with this rant.

<EOT>

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